May 272015

 

Life Rage

Will this teenager be capable of out and out rage?

It seems that school shootings are all too often in the news, and teen depression statistics and rates of suicide are going up. But are these two issues linked?

 

To first answer this question, depression needs to be defined. Depression is an illness that interferes with the person’s ability to function. It creates a feeling that no one understands them and that they are alone. According to the National Comorbidity Survey-Adolescent Supplement, 11% of adolescents have a depressive disorder by the age of 18. Depression is a prominent illness among teens, and it greatly affects their everyday lives.

 

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among people between the ages of 10-24. There are about 4,600 lives lost each year and about 157,000 people receive medical care from emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries.

 

The statistics for teen depression are bad, but does it really lead to rage and violence? The answer: Yes.

 

It might appear that rage would disappear with onset depression. However, according to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, one in three depressed people are also openly hostile. Additionally, many depressed people will have “anger attacks” where their heart rate increases, they begin to sweat, and they get a tightness in their chest in response to even small irritations. More than 60% of people who have these anger attacks have reported that they have physically or verbally attacked others during this fit of rage.

 

What Causes This Depression and Rage?

 

There are a number of factors that cause teen depression. Bullying is one of the leading instigators of this issue. Tim Dimoff highlights this in Life Rage (pages 47-48)

 

Bullying is repeated and aggressive systematic behavior that deliberately causes physical or psychological intimidation and torment. It can take the form of taunting and name-calling, intimidation and psychological aggression, as well as vandalism of personal property, and even gestures.

 

Why do kids bully? This is a culture that values strength, control and power, and especially power over others. In sports, in corporations, in the media, we reward winners… Bullies have learned the lesson of the importance of power, at least, and they are aggressive not in response to a situation but rather regardless of circumstances.

 

Tim also discusses violence in society as a cause of depression and rage (pages 51-52).

 

The public health community agrees that 30 years of research show that entertainment violence leads to increases in aggressive attitudes, values and behavior, especially in kids, and that video games are the most severe stimuli of all TV shows, music and movies.

 

Many kids see violent images–whether in the movies or on the news, whether in a natural disaster or a man-made one–and they are not affected. But when the images of violence become the norm and occur over and over with increasing regularity, on news coverage that goes on 24/7, it tends to overwhelm some of the more fragile kids.

 

What to Look For

 

If you notice that someone is continuously feeling sad, has lost pleasure in usual fun activities, poor school performance, or more risk-taking behavior, they could be suffering from depression. Talk to their teachers, parents, or friends to see if they have noticed any changes and to ask them to watch out. It is so important to help this person and encourage them to receive a mental health evaluation and treatment. Helping them could save a life, maybe even more.

Contact Timothy A. Dimoff for More Information on Life Rage

Fill out our Life Rage contact form to have Tim come out and speak to your school about the link between teenagers and Life Rage. You can also order an autographed copy of his book for $20 via this form. Contact Tim today!

Apr 292015

What do you get when you have one young black man dead in jail, 15 buildings blazing, 19 police officers injured, 144 cars set on fire and 209 citizens arrested?

Answer: The Baltimore Riots.

Here is a depiction of what is going on in Downtown Baltimore right now:

 

 

What is going on? And how did Baltimore get here?

Freddie Gray

Freddie Gray was chased and restrained by police officers on the morning of April 12th. A cellphone video of his arrest showed him being dragged into a police van limping and screaming in pain. According to his family, upon his arrival at the police station medics were called. He was taken to the hospital, slipped into a coma and died. His family stated 80% of his spinal cord was severed and his larynx was crushed.

Violence and rioting broke out after his funeral on Monday and lasted several hours into the night.  In fact, as I write this blog post, downtown Baltimore is still closed. The Baltimore Orioles are playing baseball to an empty stadium.

Why Do Riots Happen?

According to Life Rage (pages 149 and 151) here is a synopsis from Author Timothy A. Dimoff as to why riots happen in the first place.

They (the rioters) feel that they have lost the ability to control their environments, and this feeling of powerlessness means that they must cast about for an enemy or a scapegoat that would explain their loss. 

Riots and illegal activities are the result of rage. While pronouncements may go unheard and manifestos may go unnoticed, a riot or violent act will quickly gain the attention of the media. 

In riots, it seems to the rioters that they are the ones who have the power, when in actuality, no one has the power, and no one can really control the event. 

What Can You Do To Prevent Rioting In Your Community?

Who knows – your community could be next – especially with an unexplained death of a young black man at that hands of the police. What can your community do to prevent this type of action? Here are some tips from Tim:

  • Communicate suspicious activity. If you witness brutality in your neighborhood, report it to the police and the media. As we have witnessed in South Carolina, videos are extremely powerful, as a police officer down there is now being tried for murder.
  • Work with your public officials and make certain they have a crisis communication plan for rioting.
  • Don’t engage. Violence begets violence.
  • Hire Timothy Dimoff for training of your police force and/or community leaders on Life Rage issues.
  • Read Life Rage.

We will hope and pray that this situation is brought under control never to happen again and Baltimore residents can live in a peaceful and tranquil environment.

Mar 232015
Are you a victim of workplace bullying?

Are you a victim of workplace bullying?

How many of you have experienced these situations:

  • You are in a meeting and one person constantly interrupts and/or talks over someone else. They are the focus of attention and no one can get a word in edgewise.
  • You are pitching a new idea to the team and your boss tears it apart in front of everyone and makes you feel extremely small. Internally you are frustrated and have decided to not share any more ideas with the group.
  • There is someone constantly making snide remarks in the meeting, sort of under their breath. You can hear these comments which are meant to shut you up, slow you down or discombobulate you altogether.

What do all these situations have in common? These disrupters are workplace bullies and unfortunately, they are tolerated in the workplace far too often.

Why?

Because most people, in and out of the workplace, are people pleasers who don’t want to deal with conflict and discomfort. So, what happens? A lot of triangulation, gossip and office drama. A lot of silence by team members. And a setup for workplace violence when someone “cannot take it anymore”.

7 Effective Tools To Stop Workplace Bullies

  1. Develop a code of conduct for the workplace and post it everywhere.
    Have a code for meetings, brainstorming sessions and general workplace interactions. Refer to the code when inappropriate actions occurs. If someone starts talking over another person, discounting their idea or publicly humiliating them, refer to the code.
  2. Don’t triangulate.
    Remember, workplace bullying sets up a natural “bully-victim” scenario. The victim will seek solace with anyone who will let them vent. Ask one question, “Have take your complaint directly to (the bully)?” Chances are they have not and want you to speak on their behalf. Don’t do it and don’t listen to the problems.
  3. Recognize when a spirited discussion has turned into bullying.
    When it does, turn to the code of conduct and if necessary stop the meeting altogether. Stopping the meeting removes power from the bully and says this type of behavior is unacceptable.
  4. Try to find out what the bully wants.
    Without a lot of fanfare, determine what exactly the bully wants. Try to do this over email where emotions are less likely to enter into the picture.
  5. Set up a “zero bullying” tolerance policy at work.
    They have it at school – now it needs to be brought into the workplace. Provide a safe system for employees to report bullying behavior. Leaders then need to act on it with specific consequences if it continues – including termination.
  6. Read books about ways to avoid this type of rage.
    Life Rage is one book that gives you practical solutions to solving problems like this.
  7. Bring in a trainer to address this issue.
    Everyone should receive a minimum of two hours of training per year about ways to recognize and stop workplace bullies in their track. Timothy Dimoff is available do this type of training on a national level.

Life Rage & Tim Dimoff Together Can Help Put an End to Workplace Bullying

You can preview a chapter of Life Rage and order the book online. Give Author Timothy Dimoff a call at 330-255-1101, Monday through Friday to learn more about how he can help your organization put an end this problem!

Mar 072015
Is Your Child Being Victimized?

Is Your Child Being Victimized?

Dating violence is defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors used to exercise power and control over a dating partner. However, there is an underlying common theme that violence tends to escalate over time becoming more dangerous for the one receiving the abuse. This is why teen dating violence needs more attention than it currently is garnering.

Teenage relationships can greatly impact a person’s emotional development. I will be looking into types of teenage dating abuse, symptoms and warning signs of abusive relationships, and suggestions on how to address this issue.

Dating Abuse Facts

According LoveisRespect.org, this problem is all around us:

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.
  • 33% US adolescents are a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • 25% of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • 10% of high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

4 Types of Teenage Dating Abuse

Dating abuse does not discriminate and it affects all groups regardless of gender, economic status, ethnicity, and religious preference. Teens experience the same types of abuse in relationships as adults and this can include:

  • Physical Abuse- Any intentional use of force with purpose to cause fear or injury. Examples of this can be shoving, hitting, biting, strangling, kicking, or use of a weapon.
  • Verbal or Emotional Abuse- Non physical behaviors such as derogatory comments, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, and stalking.
  • Sexual Abuse- Any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control.
  • Digital Abuse- Use of technologies and/or social media networking to intimidate, harass or threaten a current or ex-dating partner. This could include checking cell phones, cyber bullying, sexting, excessive or threatening texts or stalking on Facebook or other social media.

8 Warning Signs of Abuse and Symptoms

There are many warning signs of abuse, but I have chosen the 8 most common ones. It is important to address these issues early on because victims of teenage abusive relationships are at a higher risk for victimization later in life.

  1. Checking your cell phone or email without permission
  2. Constantly putting you down
  3. Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  4. Explosive temper
  5. Isolating you from family or friends
  6. Making false accusations
  7. Mood swings
  8. Physical violence

Each relationship is unique and because someone possesses one or more of these qualities does not mean they are abusive. However, be on a look out for a pattern of this type of behavior. This is when you need to be concerned for yourself or your children.

Addressing the Situation

The impact of domestic violence on children may continue through adolescence and adulthood. Teens that have grown up with violent relationships are at risk of repeating the pattern.

A crucial step in preventing teen dating abuse is to educate adolescents about how to identify abuse and build healthy relationships. In many cases, other students are the first to know about instances of abuse on and off school grounds. Educating teens about how to spot abusive relationships and what is a healthy relationship is the first step to prevention.

If you are a parent of a child that is suspected of being in an abusive relationship you must confront them about your concerns. Do this in a careful manner because adolescents are sensitive especially about their private life. Consult them as a friend not as an authoritarian parent to discover what is really going on.

Examples of abusive relationships are all around teens. From the television shows they watch to stories they read. They need to have a positive influence in their live and that starts with their parents. Children are watching their parents every action and word. Parents need to be a beacon of light for what to expect out of a relationship.

By understanding the different types of abuse and the warning signs is the first step in preventing teen dating violence.

Read Life Rage to Learn More Stopping the Violence

If you are looking to learn more about real-life solution to abusive or rage filled situations, contact Author Timothy A. Dimoff at 330-255-1101 to order your Life Rage copy!

He will sign it and ship it to you or you can come by his office between the hours of 8 am – 5 pm, Monday through Friday to obtain the book! The cost is $20 plus shipping and handling.

Tim is also available to talk to your school or parent organization about teenage violence prevention techniques.

Feb 172015
Is Anger Running and Ruining Your Life?

Is Anger Running and Ruining Your Life?

Blog Post by De-de Mulligan

I once dated a man who had real anger issues – he could be sweet and kind about 90% of the time but it was that 10% that did us in. He could not solve a stressful, complex issue without getting into some sort of rage – whether it was yelling into the phone, screaming at his daughter or getting mad at his fellow co-workers. And of course, a few times the wrath came upon me, upon which I promptly ended the relationship.

But what causes someone to get that angry and over things that a normal person wouldn’t react that severely to? And what should you do if you are that type of person?

If You Find Yourself Getting Angry…

Keep a cool head. Try and move away from the situation and count to 10, 100 or whatever works for you.

Recognize your triggers. Everyone has certain past events or people that will move them to anger. A phone call from your ex who knows just where to dig or an employee who unwittingly does something “wrong”. When you start to see red, ask yourself if this is about the person in front of you or something in your past. If it is the latter, excuse yourself and move away from the incident.

Determine if you were raised in an angry household. The man I dated was raised in an environment of constant criticisms and arguments. Not surprising, he and his ex-wife also constantly argued. I wasn’t raised that way and found the arguing to be problematic. He thought it was “normal”.

Ask if you are really hurt, depressed or grief-ridden. Sometimes our anger is really a function of hurt. Being hurt is okay and it is best to own that feeling especially if you were fired from a job, bullied at work or went through a divorce. People understand hurt, they don’t understand or appreciate anger.

Develop an anger management plan. What are you going to do if you get angry? Especially on the road, in an airplane or in the office. Sometimes you just can’t walk away from the situation because you are stuck in a plane, car or meeting.

If you can, walk away. Nothing stops the anger faster than removing yourself from the situation.

Slow down your breathing. Try and meditate if you can.

...Seek professional help. Sometimes the anger is so close to the surface, you need a licensed professional to work through the pain. Having someone help you find the source of your anger can be invaluable to establishing great relationships in the future.

The truth of the matter is we all get angry sometimes. This is a normal process of life – but most get through it by expressing it, talking about it and moving on.

Read Life Rage for More Ideas on Anger Management

Life Rage has great ideas about ways to manage your anger – no matter where you are. Order your book today by calling author Timothy A. Dimoff at 330-255-1101 Monday through Friday between the hours of 8 am to 5 PM. It is an invaluable resource to handle rage within yourself, as well as, dealing with others.

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