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Aug 272015
Life Rage by Timothy A. Dimoff

How are you handing your anger or is it handling you?

Everyone gets angry…right? Yes, even the best of us have a need to blow off steam when life throws us a curveball. It can be something big like the death of a loved one to something irritating like someone who doesn’t respect you at work.

In general, anger can be a positive motivator to make changes in your life. And remember it is a completely normal response to a real or perceived threat due to a conflict, negligence, humiliation or betrayal. It usually increases your heart rate and blood pressure, breathing is labored and your body tenses up. When it is expressed, these symptoms go away and constructive behavior ensues.

However, in some cases, anger is not expressed properly or at all. This can lead to inward expression or deflection with others which can include:

  • Rage
  • Resentment
  • Depression
  • Stress
  • Negative behavior toward others

Remember, in the end, you cannot eliminate anger – whether it be at another driver, someone at the airport or your co-worker. However the key is to develop a strategy so anger does not control you.

7 Ways You Can Control Anger

The key to controlling anger is to develop methods that can help you express it without developing into full-blown rage. Here are tips and techniques that have been proven to help:

  1. If possible, remove yourself from the scene or at least create some distance between you and the person you are angry at.
  2. Meditate, do some slow, deep breathing or play relaxing music to calm yourself down. Say to yourself over and over again, “relax”, “calm down”, “take it easy” or one of my favorites, “Let Go and Let God.”
  3. Write a letter or email to the person about the way you feel. Save it in draft mode for 24-48 hours. If you still feel the same way, send it.
  4. Take a yoga class.
  5. Run, take a hike or go on your bike for a long period of time.
  6. If this is an ongoing emotion within you and you need to encounter the person or situation that makes you angry on a regular basis, see a therapist or attend an anger management class.
  7. Order the Life Rage book for very practical tips on ways to handle road rage, air rage and life rage in general.

Ways To Handle The Rager

If someone is having a meltdown with you, do the following:

  1. Put a lot of distance between yourself and the angry person. Since you may not know what they are armed with, chances are if you at 100 feet away from them they cannot kill you with a pistol or knife. You can’t embark in road rage unless you become a participant. Keep your distance.
  2. Talk to the person in a calm, slow tone and tell them to be quiet.
  3. If you feel you or others are in danger, call 9-1-1. Your safety is paramount as is those around you. Don’t wait for someone else to place the call, you do it first.

Want More Help?

Contact Author Timothy Dimoff at 330-255-1101, Monday through Friday 9 am – 5 PM EST to speak to him about ordering a book, coming to speak to your company or group or doing some intensive training with your organization on the subject of controlling anger.

Aug 042015
Life Rage Paperback by Timothy A. Dimoff

Social Media and Rage – When will it stop?

It seems that every YouTube video you see, blog you read, or Facebook post that you look at has comments underneath it. It can be an amazing thing to have a conversation with people around the world about similar issues, but often times things get out of hand and people exhibit rage within posts.

Anger is a Powerful Emotion

 

A recent study of a Chinese social media called Weibo (comparable to Twitter), found that anger is the most influential emotion during online interactions. Sadness and disgust didn’t cause any sympathetic emotion in users. Happy emotions were considered contagious and would cause joy in people who retweeted and liked them. However, anger was the emotion that spread the most throughout the social media channel.

Why Is This Important?

 

Everyone knows that emotion is spread from person to person. When people are happy or angry, that feeling spreads to the people around them. But this extension is local; social media spread is around the world. If people can experience sympathetic emotions through Twitter or Facebook posts, billions of people around the world could possibly all begin to feel the same.

 

If a celebrity like LeBron James would tweet something with rage, millions of people would see it, retweet it, and even news outlets would cover it. This emotion would reach so many people, it could ruin a lot of people’s day!

Why Do People Easily Display Rage on Social Media?

 

On social media, people experience a great sense of anonymity. Many sites allow whatever name a person puts, so they can be anonymous. Even if this doesn’t occur, people have a hard time linking the reality that there are people on the other side of the computer screen. A lot of people use social media platforms more as a diary and don’t care if others can read it. It’s very hard to feel the concrete reality when tweeting is as simple as a few keys and a click of the mouse, so people often don’t even think twice when they get online and show rage.

 

This disconnect makes it even easier for bullying to happen. Again, people struggle with feeling the reality on the other side of the screen and they don’t realize how hurtful cyberbullying can be.

Timothy Dimoff is an Expert on Rage

Timothy Dimoff, author of Life Rage, understands rage and why it occurs. Call him today at 330-255-1101 to ask him to speak to your group about it!

Jul 212015
Financial Stress, Life Rage, Tim Dimoff

Can Financial Stress Lead to Domestic Violence?

As the recession in 2008 and 2009 worsened, families began to see their financial situation suffer.Unemployment rates were climbing to their highest since the early 1980s and the number of home foreclosures was steadily increasing. At the same time, domestic violence (DV) agencies were reporting an increase in calls from women in need.

The Facts

 

This increase, unfortunately, should not have been a surprise. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, domestic violence is actually three times more likely to occur when a couple is experiencing high financial stresses versus low financial stresses. Women whose male partners experienced two or more periods of unemployment in a five year timespan are almost three times as likely to to be victims of DV as opposed to women whose partners are in stable jobs.

Stress Causes Violence

 

When people are experiencing stress, they have a more difficult time controlling their anger. Anxiety activates the fight or flight response, and while it doesn’t necessarily cause “fighting,” it can cause other types of violence and aggression. When someone is experiencing anxiety or stress in the workplace, or in other parts of their life, their anger is building up (probably from feeling helpless) and it tends to be released at home. The CalmClinic has more information on how to control anger and an interesting anxiety assessment.

Domestic Violence Affects Anyone

 

DV affects all socioeconomic levels throughout our society. After the 2008 recession, many people lost their jobs or a significant portion of their assets, and with that stress came the violence. Almost everyone was experiencing some level of financial stress, so most domestic violence shelters were reporting that as the reason for the increase.

If You Are Being Abused

If you are being abused, the first thing to know is that you are not alone and the abuse is not your fault. Safety and support are critical if you are in an abusive relationship.

 

It is also important to become financially independent so that you can leave quickly and not rely on your partner for survival.

  • Obtain your credit report and monitor it regularly.
  • Open a P.O. box and have all your financial information sent to that address if you are receiving it before you leave.
  • Call your utility companies, phone company, cable company, and anyone else that would have personal financial information to secure it with a special PIN and passwords. Ask the companies to use identifying information other than your social security number, date of birth, or mother’s maiden name.
  • Change all ATM PINs and passwords and your email passwords.
  • Make the necessary changes to your insurance plans and will

Tim Dimoff is an Expert on Rage

 

Tim Dimoff, author of Life Rage, is an expert on anxiety and rage. Call him today at 330-255-1101 to ask about speaking to your group or ordering his book.

Jul 072015
Does Pee-Wee Football Set A Path to Rage in Children Later in Life?

Does Pee-Wee Football Set A Path to Rage in Children Later in Life?

Rage appears in every aspect of today’s society, especially in competitive situations. Kids have learned to be extremely competitive from everything from sports and video games, and with it brings potential rage. Even dodgeball is being removed from schools for the kids acting too aggressively. But what has lead to this issue?

 

Adoration of Athletes

 

Athletes are some of our country’s biggest superstars, being paid millions of dollars to win. There were almost 20 million viewers for the NBA Finals in 2015, while an astonishing 115 million people tuned in to watch Super Bowl XLIX this year. Everyone watches what happens on the field, but unfortunately we also hear what happens off the field as well.

 

Players let their rage carry over to their everyday lives. In 2014, there were 542 arrests or citations in sports. Over 60% of violent crimes in the NFL are domestic violence. While these are being reported, the public still sees no result. There were 48 players being investigated by the NFL for domestic violence between 2000 and 2014 and 15% of the players were suspended for only one game. An astounding 56% of those players were not suspended at all.

 

When kids watch sports and hear about athletes not being punished for their crimes, they get society’s message. Winning is more important than being a good person. Commit all the crimes you want, get as angry and violent as you want, keep winning and you’ll still make millions of dollars.

 

Parent Rage in Sports

 

When kids turn off the TV and go to their sporting events, they don’t receive a different message. Parents are notorious for being extremely competitive and yelling on the sidelines. A father of a Pony league football player was arrested for assaulting a referee who claimed the boy caught the ball out of bounds. In Alaska, military police were called to stop a parents’ brawl at a kids’ football game. Some children sports leagues have even required parents wishing to attend the games to take an ethics class.

 

When children see their parents acting with rage on the sideline, they don’t know it’s unacceptable. All they know is winning is everything and you should do anything you can to win. This brings out more violence and injuries in the games with no consequences for them when they get home.

 

Focus on the Fun

 

Sports can be a wonderful, fun experience with many good messages. They teach kids how to be team players, how to step up as a leader, and provides them friends for a lifetime. Instead of getting so caught up in winning and being the best, we as a society should focus more on the players and making them into the best people they can be. Then, when they reach a professional level, whether it’s in sports or in a workplace, they can enjoy their time on the field.

 

Life Rage Can Help You Control Your Rage

 

Tim Dimoff, an expert on rage, can speak to your group about ways rage is strongly linked to unhealthy competitiveness in sports. Give him a call at 330-255-1101 to book him as a speaker or order your copy of Life rage today!

 

Jun 232015
What Warning Signs Did This Young Man Display and How Could This Tragedy Been Prevented?

What Warning Signs Did This Young Man Display and How Could This Tragedy Been Prevented?

On Wednesday, June 17, another tragic shooting occurred. Many people were attending a Bible study in Charleston, South Carolina at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church when it was stopped short by Dylann Roof. He attended the meeting for an hour before he stood up, muttered that he was there to shoot black people, and then opened fire on the congregation. He killed nine people, including Pastor and State Senator Clementa Pinckney. Roof was arrested and charged a day later.

 

5 Weary Warning Signs

 

It is clear that Roof was very disturbed, and there were unfortunately many warning signs that went unreported. First of all, he frequently wore a No. 88 shirt, had 88 Facebook friends, and drew the number, the white supremacist code for “Heil Hitler” in the sand.

His website was discovered where he discussed his views in a 2,500 word manifesto. It also included sixty pictures of him at different Confederate heritage sites or slavery museums. In the manifesto, he discussed his view on the Trayvon Martin case which triggered his racist rage. “The event that truly awakened me was the Trayvon Martin case. I kept hearing and seeing his name, and eventually I decided to look him up. I read the Wikipedia article and right away I was unable to understand what the big deal was. It was obvious that Zimmerman was in the right. But more importantly this prompted me to type in the words ‘black on White crime’ into Google, and I have never been the same since that day.”

A lot of his writings speak to this black on white crime, which is common in white supremacists. They demonize blacks so that they position themselves as the victims as proof that they need their own state.

Beyond his website, Roof also showed a lot of signs in public. On his Facebook page, he has a picture where he is wearing a jacket with images of the flags of apartheid-era South Africa, and Rhodesia, the African country that was renamed Zimbabwe after white rule ended. He also recently told one of his friends that black people were taking over the world and something needed to be done for the white race. Roof also was reported to have said that he wanted to start another civil war.

For his birthday, his parents gave him $350 towards the purchase of a gun. He even specifically wanted them to give him the money rather than buy it for him so they wouldn’t be implicated in whatever he would do with it.

 

Reporting Suspicious Behavior Saves Lives

According to Author Timothy Dimoff, if Roof’s friends or family members had reported this behavior to law enforcement, lives could have been saved. It is critical that if anyone notices suspicious behavior like this, they report it to their law enforcement agency in their jurisdiction.

Once it is reported, the police are able to come out and speak with the person. Just this action alone is a great diffusing technique. It shows them that their behavior is no longer their secret and they don’t have full control of the situation.

If there is any indication of a plan, the law enforcement can get help for the individual. They also can perform surveillance, notify others, and speak with the family. The law enforcement agency will work to diffuse any situation before it occurs, saving lives and tragedies from happening.

 

We hope that these times bring unity to our country and that we are able to move beyond the violence and focus on recovery. If you have questions, please feel free to contact Tim Dimoff at tadimoff@aol.com for better ways to handle such rage.

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