Parenting a teenager is not an easy task. As teenagers begin to assert their independence and discover their own identity, they may experience unpredictable behavioral changes. They may distance themselves from you, practice risky behaviors, or commit criminal acts. But all is not lost; there are steps you can take to ease the tension and chaos in your home.
Tip #1- Take a Step Back
- Understand your teen. Take a look at life from their eyes. You were a teenager once, try to remember how all of those hormonal changes feel. They’re growing hair in weird places, seeking acceptance from their peers, and feeling things they have never felt before.
- Be aware of your own stress and anger. Trying to talk to an angry teen while you’re upset isn’t going to end well. Wait until you and your teen are both calm to start talking. Be patient and talk through all the issues on the table. When I was a teen, my father did not know how to control anger. I was always too scared to go and talk to him because I didn’t want to upset him. Don’t be someone your teen is afraid to talk to.
- Be someone they can come to. Offer to grab lunch or ice cream with your teen. They may find themselves in a position where they are upset, confused, or even show signs of depression.. Don’t get frustrated if they don’t immediately open up – just make sure they know you’re there for them. When they do decide to talk, listen without judgement or criticism. It’s a big step for your teen to let you in on their personal thoughts; don’t make them feel bad for doing so.
Tip #2- Change Your Family’s Lifestyle
- Create routines. Although your teen may rebel and argue about your rules, they still need them. Structure can help make teens feel safe and secure. Set a curfew to keep your teen accountable. Make it mandatory to sit down as a family for dinner. As a kid, my family always sat down to dinner together. It’s a great way for everyone to be near each other and talk about their day.
- Eat, sleep and exercise. Making sure your teen has a healthy, filling breakfast before heading off to school is important. Most kids leave for school at 7 am, and don’t have another chance to eat for 4 or 5 hours. They are still growing. Without a healthy, balanced diet and 8.5-10 hours of sleep at night, your teen may lose focus in school and their grades may start to slip. Also, encourage your teen to get out and exercise. Join the soccer team, play catch outside after dinner. Keeping you teens moving is a good way for them to blow off steam and destress.
Tip #3- Make Time for You
- Relax. Working a 40 hour-a -week job, taking care of household duties, making sure bills are paid on time and taking care of teenagers is a lot of work. Take some time for yourself to relax. Read a book. Take a bath. Watch a movie you’ve been wanting to see. Your teen is watching everything you do, so create an example for them. When you learn to relax, they will learn to relax.
- Don’t go it alone. If you’re a single parent, reach out to friends, relatives, school counselors or whatever resource you need. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. If you have a spouse, make sure you are consistent with each other. Nothing is worse that one parent telling a teen “no,” and the other parent saying “yes.”
- It’s just a phase. Remember, this won’t last forever. Once your child exits the teenager phase, they will go back to being that sweet, loving person they were before they hit 14 years of age. With the right parenting, your teen will turn into a successful, young adult.
Personal note: As a teenager, I always tried to do right by my parents. I got good grades, participated in after-school activities and helped out around the house. I could never figure out why my parents were so strict on me- they were not keen on teen dating nor would they let me hang out with my friends. However, my younger brother got bad grades in high-school, would stay out late and always hung out with his friends. Things that I got in trouble for were okay for him to do. Treat your kids fairly. Make sure if you’re going to punish one child for a bad behavior, the other children get punished just the same. If not, the child may begin to feel resentment towards you, and it will push them further away.
Your teen is only too far gone if you have already given up. Now is the time to start to take action and be there for your teen. You have been where they are now and you probably have some good ideas when it comes to how to deal with depression, anger, and confusion. When I was 13, I thought I knew everything there was to know about life- now I realize that I didn’t have a clue. Be with your teen, because they need you, they just don’t realize it yet.
About Timothy A. Dimoff
For more information, contact Tim Dimoff at (330)255-1101, Monday thru Friday 9am-5pm EST about ordering a book or scheduling a seminar. Or if you feel you need personalized attention, you can contact your local church or family counselor.
Terrorism is spreading around the world beyond anyone’s control. Nearly a year ago, the 2014 Global Terrorism Index Report was released. The GTI attempts to systematically rank the countries and nations of the world according to terrorist activity. The index combines different factors associated with terrorist attacks to build a picture of the impact of terrorism over a 10-year span. The index states that 82% of people killed in terrorist attacks were in just five countries. Since 2000, there has been over a five-fold increase in the number of people killed by terrorism.
Since September 11th was just last week, let’s take a look at the top 10 countries most-affected by terrorism today.
10. Thailand Index 7.19
There is on-going terrorism in Thailand. Last month, an explosion near central Bangkok killed 20 people and injured many more. There was a second attack a week later when a device detonated in the water near a main tourist ferry terminal in Bangkok.
9. Philippines Index 7.29
The Philippines is experiencing political conflicts carried out by rebel groups against the country’s government, its supporters and citizens. Since 2000, the radical Islamist groups have carried out more than 40 major attacks.
8. Yemen Index 7.31
In early 2015, suicide bombers attacked mosques in Yemen’s capital. ISIS laid claim to these attacks that killed at least 137 people and injured 357 more.
7. Somalia Index 7.41
For years, Somalia has been engaged in a brutal civil war between the Transitional Federal Government and various groups of Islamist rebels.
6. India Index 7.86
In July, terrorists attacked a police station in Dinanagar, causing several fatalities. The main focus of attacks in India are against Indian interests, however, terrorists have been known to attack places visited by tourists, such as restaurants, hotels, railway stations, markets, places of worship and sporting venues.
5. Syria Index 8.12
Syria is currently in the midst of a civil war that started during the spring of 2011. The United Nations has declared over 100,000 casualties since the war started.
This has also caused the latest news about refugees dying along the way or stuck in countries, like Hungary that are not their ultimate destination.
4. Nigeria Index 8.58
Boko Haram is an Islamist extremist group responsible for killing over 5,000 civilians between 2009 and 2014. Over 500 men, women and children have been abducted since 2009, including the kidnapping of 276 schoolgirls last year.
3. Pakistan Index 9.37
There are 341 reported acts of terrorism in Pakistan from 2015. There has been a total of 462 civilians and security personnel killed and over 480 injured.
2. Afghanistan Index 9.39
When the Taliban came into power, terrorism found its way to Afghanistan. In 2014, over 4,500 people were killed as a result of terrorist attacks.
Iraq Index 10
Iraq remains the foreground of continuous terrorist activity. The Islamist extremist group ISIS is currently in control of territories occupied by 10 million people.
The United States ranks 30th on this list, with an index of 4.71. In total, there have been over 48,000 terrorist incidents in the past 14 years, claiming over 107,000 lives. Global terrorism is continuing to grow due to issues with race, religion and political freedom.
Have you visited any of these countries? What are your thoughts about this index?
Everyone gets angry…right? Yes, even the best of us have a need to blow off steam when life throws us a curveball. It can be something big like the death of a loved one to something irritating like someone who doesn’t respect you at work.
In general, anger can be a positive motivator to make changes in your life. And remember it is a completely normal response to a real or perceived threat due to a conflict, negligence, humiliation or betrayal. It usually increases your heart rate and blood pressure, breathing is labored and your body tenses up. When it is expressed, these symptoms go away and constructive behavior ensues.
However, in some cases, anger is not expressed properly or at all. This can lead to inward expression or deflection with others which can include:
- Negative behavior toward others
Remember, in the end, you cannot eliminate anger – whether it be at another driver, someone at the airport or your co-worker. However the key is to develop a strategy so anger does not control you.
7 Ways You Can Control Anger
The key to controlling anger is to develop methods that can help you express it without developing into full-blown rage. Here are tips and techniques that have been proven to help:
- If possible, remove yourself from the scene or at least create some distance between you and the person you are angry at.
- Meditate, do some slow, deep breathing or play relaxing music to calm yourself down. Say to yourself over and over again, “relax”, “calm down”, “take it easy” or one of my favorites, “Let Go and Let God.”
- Write a letter or email to the person about the way you feel. Save it in draft mode for 24-48 hours. If you still feel the same way, send it.
- Take a yoga class.
- Run, take a hike or go on your bike for a long period of time.
- If this is an ongoing emotion within you and you need to encounter the person or situation that makes you angry on a regular basis, see a therapist or attend an anger management class.
- Order the Life Rage book for very practical tips on ways to handle road rage, air rage and life rage in general.
Ways To Handle The Rager
If someone is having a meltdown with you, do the following:
- Put a lot of distance between yourself and the angry person. Since you may not know what they are armed with, chances are if you at 100 feet away from them they cannot kill you with a pistol or knife. You can’t embark in road rage unless you become a participant. Keep your distance.
- Talk to the person in a calm, slow tone and tell them to be quiet.
- If you feel you or others are in danger, call 9-1-1. Your safety is paramount as is those around you. Don’t wait for someone else to place the call, you do it first.
Want More Help?
Contact Author Timothy Dimoff at 330-255-1101, Monday through Friday 9 am – 5 PM EST to speak to him about ordering a book, coming to speak to your company or group or doing some intensive training with your organization on the subject of controlling anger.
It seems that every YouTube video you see, blog you read, or Facebook post that you look at has comments underneath it. It can be an amazing thing to have a conversation with people around the world about similar issues, but often times things get out of hand and people exhibit rage within posts.
Anger is a Powerful Emotion
A recent study of a Chinese social media called Weibo (comparable to Twitter), found that anger is the most influential emotion during online interactions. Sadness and disgust didn’t cause any sympathetic emotion in users. Happy emotions were considered contagious and would cause joy in people who retweeted and liked them. However, anger was the emotion that spread the most throughout the social media channel.
Why Is This Important?
Everyone knows that emotion is spread from person to person. When people are happy or angry, that feeling spreads to the people around them. But this extension is local; social media spread is around the world. If people can experience sympathetic emotions through Twitter or Facebook posts, billions of people around the world could possibly all begin to feel the same.
If a celebrity like LeBron James would tweet something with rage, millions of people would see it, retweet it, and even news outlets would cover it. This emotion would reach so many people, it could ruin a lot of people’s day!
Why Do People Easily Display Rage on Social Media?
On social media, people experience a great sense of anonymity. Many sites allow whatever name a person puts, so they can be anonymous. Even if this doesn’t occur, people have a hard time linking the reality that there are people on the other side of the computer screen. A lot of people use social media platforms more as a diary and don’t care if others can read it. It’s very hard to feel the concrete reality when tweeting is as simple as a few keys and a click of the mouse, so people often don’t even think twice when they get online and show rage.
Timothy Dimoff is an Expert on Rage
Timothy Dimoff, author of Life Rage, understands rage and why it occurs. Call him today at 330-255-1101 to ask him to speak to your group about it!
As the recession in 2008 and 2009 worsened, families began to see their financial situation suffer.Unemployment rates were climbing to their highest since the early 1980s and the number of home foreclosures was steadily increasing. At the same time, domestic violence (DV) agencies were reporting an increase in calls from women in need.
This increase, unfortunately, should not have been a surprise. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, domestic violence is actually three times more likely to occur when a couple is experiencing high financial stresses versus low financial stresses. Women whose male partners experienced two or more periods of unemployment in a five year timespan are almost three times as likely to to be victims of DV as opposed to women whose partners are in stable jobs.
Stress Causes Violence
When people are experiencing stress, they have a more difficult time controlling their anger. Anxiety activates the fight or flight response, and while it doesn’t necessarily cause “fighting,” it can cause other types of violence and aggression. When someone is experiencing anxiety or stress in the workplace, or in other parts of their life, their anger is building up (probably from feeling helpless) and it tends to be released at home. The CalmClinic has more information on how to control anger and an interesting anxiety assessment.
Domestic Violence Affects Anyone
DV affects all socioeconomic levels throughout our society. After the 2008 recession, many people lost their jobs or a significant portion of their assets, and with that stress came the violence. Almost everyone was experiencing some level of financial stress, so most domestic violence shelters were reporting that as the reason for the increase.
If You Are Being Abused
If you are being abused, the first thing to know is that you are not alone and the abuse is not your fault. Safety and support are critical if you are in an abusive relationship.
It is also important to become financially independent so that you can leave quickly and not rely on your partner for survival.
- Obtain your credit report and monitor it regularly.
- Open a P.O. box and have all your financial information sent to that address if you are receiving it before you leave.
- Call your utility companies, phone company, cable company, and anyone else that would have personal financial information to secure it with a special PIN and passwords. Ask the companies to use identifying information other than your social security number, date of birth, or mother’s maiden name.
- Change all ATM PINs and passwords and your email passwords.
- Make the necessary changes to your insurance plans and will
Tim Dimoff is an Expert on Rage
Tim Dimoff, author of Life Rage, is an expert on anxiety and rage. Call him today at 330-255-1101 to ask about speaking to your group or ordering his book.